The minute you turn away.
“Ding Ding Ding”went the golden bell of the toy shop door as the manager left to lock up. There was a white flash through the window as he left. It wasn’t dark because the brig neon billboards lit up the New York skyline.
“Has he gone yet” howled Clumsy Smurf.
“Shut up you stuck up little Smurf!’ Snapped Ted from across the room.
Time passed and the toys played. The toy shop was so crowded with shelves the toys were constantly bumping into each other.
“Oi Nigel move!”
“I can’t Ted I didn’t mean to bump you.”
These two statements turned into a massive verbal fight over the room the each had in the shop.
“It’s not fair your Lego men get all the room!” Whined Bruce.
“WHAT! I’ll have you know my men take up no room at all!” Growled General Rufus the head of the Lego men.
After another hour of squabbling Phil decided that they should draw a line.
“That might work.” stuttered Rex. Callum
So Clumsy jumped on Bruce and the flew of through a hole in the iron roof. They flew over buildings and through alleyways until finally they reached ‘Bill’s Barn of Books and stationary.’ They flew into the shop through a small open window. Clumsy jumped of Bruce and sprinted around the shop until he found a invisible ink pen. He snatched it off the shelve and he ran back to Bruce and the flew off.
Halfway back the weather got worse the wind picked up. Clumsy was rocking side to side. Suddenly he slipped right off bruce. Bruce swooped down and tried to catch him but Clumsy was out of sight. Clumsy fell and tumbled into a water fountain. He jumped out and started to walk, he didn’t know where he was going he just knew he wanted to go home! Hours past and back at the toy shop the toys were starting to get worried even Ted! They were biting their fingernails and chattering their teeth. Clumsy walked and walked he stumbled right past Lady Liberty without even knowing. It started to brighten, now the orange and yellow sun was rising over the Manhattan skyline. He was still stumbling along when he saw an amazing sight. The Toy Store he knew it was the toy store because it was right beside Central Park and his favourite place ‘Central Park Zoo.’
He ran straight to the Toy Shop dodging people and cars as he ran. He jumped straight through the brass mail flap and quietly sat back on the shelve with all of his friends, then they sat quietly side by side hand in hand.
An interesting piece of writing Callum. Great to see you introducing and using correct punctuation, especially to show dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI do remember your introduction in your draft writing book being a little different. I'm sure you showed more, without tellings (i.e. prompted your audience to infer). For instance; instead of: It was dark because ..... lit up the New York skyline. You just wrote "The big neon sign lit up the New York Skyline". Therefore your audience assume it was dark because of your description about how the sky was lit.
Thanks Ms Mynes I really did enjoy writing my narrative and letting my imagination run wild.
DeleteCallum B